My Long Journey to My Destination~

Well, I promised that I will post the entry that had been long due. I had lost the inspiration to finish writing it but somehow I had the ideas for now to complete it and well, this is the story of myself going through the hardest time of my life.

Well, last 3 weeks had been a nightmare to me. It was really a roller coaster ride for me!! Up and down and up again and then down! I had lost my Motorola SLVR L7, had to make the decision that determine my future. I'm at my lowest point of my life during those 3 weeks. The pressure and the lack of time for consideration had made me so stressed out that I cried almost everyday. But thinking back, I was really stupid for crying... maybe that's a way of showing my sadness, but crying too much will make people annoyed with me. Dumb. And most of all, I discover that I had no vision of myself in future...That's the most important thing of all. If I had no vision, where comes the action? Actually I feel bad for stalking my seniors for advice. I consult him in every way that is possible, e-mails, IM (whether it's MSN or Y!M), SMS and even see him face to face!! And this guy doesn't even have an idea who I am before this. He has been really kind, telling everything that is possible for me to make the right decision. Salute him for his dedication in helping me. /^o^

I went to USM on Saturday, 1st July 2006. The first impression of the university really scared me. I can hear the students there converse in Malay, banners in Malay too. That's when I think I made the wrong decision. I was crying and try to hold back my tears when I was with my family but I can't hold it back any longer. My dad was kinda upset (I know it since he's my dad for 20 years) and my mum was really sad seeing me like this. Every new student came with enthusiasm, but only me came with sadness. Sigh... I had nightmare almost everyday. Thinking why am I so stupid making this decision, with the room so empty, I tend to think a lot.

My parents who have high hopes for me... and also their joy and enthusiasm when they help me to take my things to my room. I can feel the hopes that they place on me, wishing that I can graduate from some prestigous university (maybe not prestigious, just some reknowned uni). They sacrifice their time just to came here with me to Penang, and all I do is cry. I try every way possible at USM, called my friends at MMU to ask about returning to MMU and also call MMU for enquiries. That had cost me about RM 20 in just one week. Great huh? But it did pay off. I was accepted back to MMU!

So on Friday, 7th July 2006, I went outside to print out the the letter to be submitted to Dean for withdrawal. While people went to School of Management to register for courses, I'm the only one who was there busy sort things out in USM. The Dean is not there and I have to wait till after lunch to get my application for withdrawal approved. SO I went there after lunch, wait for half an hour before I can meet the 'Timbalan Dekan'(I think it is called Vice Dean in English). He asked me a lot of questions regarding the withdrawal from USM. All I can tell him is that I am not competitve enough if I study in Malay as a business student. And he tell me that if I really think that USM students dunno how to speak English and even mentioned that the top management in Nestle is USM student. I can't really think of other thing at that time, I just feel like going out of the room. I just emphasised on how important English is in the business world. That's all I can say. No disrespect to him. I just express how I feel and know. So he just approve my application and wished me all the best and say that in a few years time how am i going to do compare to my peers in USM. Well, we'll see.

I have to walk like the whole USM just to sort out all my things here and I almost got lost there.. go to Treasury department and the records unit; haha, malu man. It is just too big for me to explore. I did walked through the whole campus actually. My parents actually did not want to come to take me back to KL and I actually think of going back by bus but at lasst, they did came to take me home. I feel sorry for them, drive me to MMU for registration, take my things up to the 4th floor (the highest in the hostel), and then help me to take my things down again when I quit MMU, and then took my things to USM and then drive it back to KL and back to MMU again to the highest floor.

Sigh... really sick seeing what is happening but by now, I know what I want. I know that I never regret my choice. I did not feel sad at all leaving USM, just a sigh of relief while I was crying when I left MMU, when I speak to one of the lecturer, when I say goodbye to my friends. I never regret it and I never do. I will never know what my future is if I study in USM, but you can't have 2 at the same time. So, by now, that's all I want to say.