Soul Searching

Well, I'm here blogging again after went missing for 2 weeks, hehe..... It's not really a big deal like the sky is falling or the end of the world... But during the hardest time of my life, I can't even go blogging, thanks to the historical hostel in a historical university that do not provide internet connection. I feel like I was going crazy!! But thinking back, I was really extreme but it is probably because blog has been my companion, the place to express myself with total freedom compare talking to a person (sometimes will be bored by stories right?)I had a blog in progress about my experience for the last 2 weeks but I can't finish it. I had lost the will to write it cos my mind is exhausted. I realised that I had been emphasising about my physical journey rather that my soul in my blogs cos soul is the thing that can't be missing from your heart.

But luckily for me, everything is over. Now, I got the total support for my studies in MMU. Yes! I'm officially the student of MMU studying BBA(Hons) Marketing with Multimedia now!! (in case you are wondering) except there are a few occasional shocks from people. That's the most important thing of all. I was unhappy when I was here for the first 2 weeks, except for the orientation week, where I had enjoyed myself. I feel welcomed to the university. But I was unhappy after this because people had been pressuring me, saying that my knowledge of science will be wasted if I opted to study business but I feel nothing wrong with it. Then there is the time I am at the lowest point of my life for being forced to make decision. I cried almost everyday and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Whatever choice I make, sure there will be disappointment, especially my parents. Parents, as of all you know, wants what is the best for their children. Disappointment for them when I can't get at least 3 As in my STPM, and also the time I was offered a business course in local university. They never tell me that, but I can feel it, I can see that from their face. I won't blame them, because they want what is the best for me. It maybe more expensive than local university, or even maybe thinking that local uni is more prestigious, but I know what is the best for myself and I'm sure they will understand it! Maybe they will struggle a bit with the fees, but I try my best to excel and make them the proud parents at my convocation to prove to that the decision we made was not wrong.

I was in soul searching this week, after I came back from USM. I was lost, scared, left out and had to go through the hardship all by myself cos there is no familiar face here except for those coursemates or seniors. I almost gave up, but I still continue on even sometimes I feel intimidated by explaining the things that happened to the staff at MMU, or even the lecturers. All looking at me in disbelief or even wondering what the hell this girl is doing or wonder am I crazy in doing all these. It was hard in the beginning and I was so lonely and missed out on the happenings around MMU for about 2 weeks. I feel much better now. I can feel the breeze now and take a breath of fresh air and held my head up high. I don't feel like going into details, probably continue it in the blog that I had not finished.

Amazingly, I can go through these all by myself even without contacting people like what I did before this. I know that best friends is people that go through hardship with you but somehow they are busy now. It's ok, friends do not have to be together 24/7. I know there are people look at me strangely cos I'm always by myself all the time in MMU, but I'm fine with it. As I had say it, even best friends did not be together 24/7. I do make new friends. It is just that I feel that it is time for me to be independent in facing problems cos that is what you go through in working life. I had friends who care about me, and really like to thank all of them for giving me their undying support for my decision but of course, not forgetting my family members too.

I had been thinking a lot this week, sitting in my room when no one is around, facing walls or at lectures(tend to drift away) and was looking back and discovering my weaknesses, looking at meaning of life. I know what is the missing pieces from my heart, and of course I will get back the pieces together to complete the 'puzzle of my heart' (My blog title!).
I now had to put back myself together, concentrate on what I am doing because I lost the passion after of what I went through (talking about mental torture). I found a little bit by now and hopefully I can restore it to the fullest!! =D

~KISS GOODBYE~

Yeah, it's time for KEAT YEE to sign off again!!!