The New Chapter of My Life

Indulge in the blogging world had been a part of me since last year which had help me to look forward and also to the past that helps me to grow up. Sometimes looking at my previous blogs, I feel like laughing at myself for being so silly and naive. But that will be a part of me forever irregardless of the time being. Here I like to share to new chapter of my life!!!

The new chapter of my life: Entering University

Entering unversity had been making me thinking a lot. I experienced things I have never experience before, trying out new things. But there is something that is differentiate between school and university. In school, you will see the familiar faces everyday, having the same class as you, the time of school is also the same. So you will spend more time with the same people everyday and the bond between them is strong. And at the same time, this people are the ones that go through everything with you - exam, club meetings, projects and that means hanging out a lot together.

And through secondary school, I found my best friends and the time we go through together, especially Form 5 and also Form 6 which is the toughest time of secondary school phase. Remember the times when I had failed my Maths T (really tough, but luckily I scored a B in STPM), laughing non-stop like a mad girl while chatting and also those discussion times.

But things changed after all parted ways after major exam, be it SPM or STPM. Some further studies in colleges and universities and some even venture into the working world. And that is when some of us lost contacts and never know what they are doing. Friends, no matter how close you are with each other, will grow out of each other.

Your best friends will be going to universities other than yours. The gap between them can be felt, less topics to talk about or even over eagerness to share the experiences make us can't really communicate ourselves telling what is at the bottom of our hearts because of insufficient time. And sometimes I can be left unheard when we met.

Distance can also be the culprit in gap between friends. Sometimes the things that they went through is really different than mine - different in culture and style of living. I can feel that we have less common topics to talk about and maybe come out with some lame topics to talk about. This will make us bored to talk to each other and maybe even will not chat with each other when we are online. The effort of keeping long distance friendship is really exhausting, just like keeping a long distance relationship. And sometimes this saddens me.

Then there is the time in university that not only me, but some of my friends that find friends that had something in common. The diversified community because of different backgrounds, had make it even harder to find best friends. No matter how close I am to my new friends, I can feel something that is missing. The difference in studying time and activities made it hard to see the same people that can share knowledge of studies. I can't really find friends that will share everything with me, be it knowledge or their time. No common topic to talk about.

But no matter what will happen in my future, I will still go on with my new life, of course. I'm sure someday I can find someone special that can share my life and have something common with me. OF COURSE, the friends that I have known since secondary school will always be my friends, no matter how distance we are from each other, I will always remember all of them and they had made a difference in my life, made me grown up to be a better person. I will never remember the time, tears and laughter that we shared together.

I am sure some of you will feel what I feel or go through this phase before.

Yuen Mei, another nostalgic blog again by me, Keat Yee. Haha... sure you will say that why I am always nostalgic in my blog. But can't help it, blog is not a site for me to complain but for me to express my feelings and moments that I go through in my life.

That's all from me.....

KEAT YEE signing off...

Hope that all of you enjoy this blog.....

Being Thankful

26th July 2006, Wednesday, 7.30 pm, warm

Here I am blogging again after one week. The frequency of submitting blog is lowering down due to the fact that I am busy with all those stuff a student normally do. But somehow the temptation is high as MMU provide students with 24 hours broadband connection. Imagine that! I’m sure not all universities can do that especially those of local universities where their colleges/hostels is not provided with internet connection. And I'm here blogging, leaving my homework and assignments aside. Sigh... but I'm not in the mood of studying right now.

And now I'm going to tell my events that had made me feel better about myself......

Yesterday morning (25th July 2006, Tuesday), I went to the FCM corridor at 9 am after class expecting things had been set up awaiting students to arrive for the blood donation campaign. I don't like to squeeze between people to get my blood donated but alas, things is not set up yet and I just have to wait until after 12 pm to go there after my class is over. By the time I go there at 12 pm, people is there, lying while waiting for their packet of blood to be full, and without hesistation, I went straight away for registration, measure my weight and blood pressure and the usual blood type test. But during the Q & A with one of the officer, I lied to her that I had more than 5 hours of sleep when in fact, I just sleep for 4 hours plus.

No big deal about it as I lied to the officer previously about my sleeping hours. Not feeling dizzy or fainted and I guess it's ok if I lied this time too. Hehe... Well, everything is over within one hour, with me lying on the bed about 10 - 15 minutes and the blood bag is full. But somehow there are difficulties when they try to fill test tubes with my blood. My blood flow is kinda slow and they keep adjusting the needle which hurts but not really painful. Maybe gotta do with my slightly lower blood pressure caused by the lack of sleep which makes blood flow slowing down. And there is blue black on my hand, probably gotta do with the nurse keep on adjusting the needles. Have no difficulties after donating blood but sometimes kinda short of breath when I climb up stairs. Hehe... Donating blood which maybe some really small contribution to the society but one packet from every student in the university did make difference! Not here to boast myself of course, just feel like doing this deed makes me feel good about myself since I had not been really happy after all that happens recently.

I feel better later that day after one chat with one of my senior. He really motivates me with his positive attitude, positive thinking and advices. To tell the truth, I was like stalking him since last month over small problems but he still sincere in helping me, listen to my problems without fail. I was feeling better after chatting with him, and I was thanking him for making me feel better after chatting with him and he said, "making u feel better makes me feel better as well". I was really touched by what he said. I shows that he is really sincere in helping me and he really made a difference in my life. THE positive attitude in him, the passion he had for his life is what makes him different from the rest. I know I had been talking about him in my previous blogs, but hey, I really can't stop thanking him. If not for him, I think I will suffer from depression and do the unthinkable. THANKS NICKY!!!

Well, he is not the only senior that I know of course. I knew a senior during orientation. He is my facilitator. He gave good advice too but he is kinda cool in real person. He had encouraged me in doing things and also play an important role in helping me making decision and realise my priority. He advices had influenced my actions and decisions that I had taken. He is the same major as me and in his final year yet he is just one year older than me! Sigh, think I am really old in this university. Most who are Beta year student is younger than me and their maturity level is higher than me. THANKS LEONG!!!

I was really lucky to know these future leaders (I know they are!). My cousin had even asked me why I will know such BIG people in MMU. You can see how popular they are in MMU, hehe... Well, I think I'm lucky to know them and have them as my guidance. After listening to their stories, I know that I must buck up by now. Do my best in everything I do. Dwell in the past will never do anything good to me. It will just do more harm than good. Being alive is actually the best thing in my life. Why should I still complain about my life? Look into future and live my life to the FULLEST!!! This is the most important thing.

Thanks again to both Nicky and Leong that had made a difference in my life. Now I can really enjoy the environment with pleasure and feel with my heart ands smile happily. Leong, I still remember that you asked me how long I had not been happy and now I can tell you that I am feeling happy now! Leong and NIcky, don't underestimate what you guys had did to help me.

Soul Searching

Well, I'm here blogging again after went missing for 2 weeks, hehe..... It's not really a big deal like the sky is falling or the end of the world... But during the hardest time of my life, I can't even go blogging, thanks to the historical hostel in a historical university that do not provide internet connection. I feel like I was going crazy!! But thinking back, I was really extreme but it is probably because blog has been my companion, the place to express myself with total freedom compare talking to a person (sometimes will be bored by stories right?)I had a blog in progress about my experience for the last 2 weeks but I can't finish it. I had lost the will to write it cos my mind is exhausted. I realised that I had been emphasising about my physical journey rather that my soul in my blogs cos soul is the thing that can't be missing from your heart.

But luckily for me, everything is over. Now, I got the total support for my studies in MMU. Yes! I'm officially the student of MMU studying BBA(Hons) Marketing with Multimedia now!! (in case you are wondering) except there are a few occasional shocks from people. That's the most important thing of all. I was unhappy when I was here for the first 2 weeks, except for the orientation week, where I had enjoyed myself. I feel welcomed to the university. But I was unhappy after this because people had been pressuring me, saying that my knowledge of science will be wasted if I opted to study business but I feel nothing wrong with it. Then there is the time I am at the lowest point of my life for being forced to make decision. I cried almost everyday and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Whatever choice I make, sure there will be disappointment, especially my parents. Parents, as of all you know, wants what is the best for their children. Disappointment for them when I can't get at least 3 As in my STPM, and also the time I was offered a business course in local university. They never tell me that, but I can feel it, I can see that from their face. I won't blame them, because they want what is the best for me. It maybe more expensive than local university, or even maybe thinking that local uni is more prestigious, but I know what is the best for myself and I'm sure they will understand it! Maybe they will struggle a bit with the fees, but I try my best to excel and make them the proud parents at my convocation to prove to that the decision we made was not wrong.

I was in soul searching this week, after I came back from USM. I was lost, scared, left out and had to go through the hardship all by myself cos there is no familiar face here except for those coursemates or seniors. I almost gave up, but I still continue on even sometimes I feel intimidated by explaining the things that happened to the staff at MMU, or even the lecturers. All looking at me in disbelief or even wondering what the hell this girl is doing or wonder am I crazy in doing all these. It was hard in the beginning and I was so lonely and missed out on the happenings around MMU for about 2 weeks. I feel much better now. I can feel the breeze now and take a breath of fresh air and held my head up high. I don't feel like going into details, probably continue it in the blog that I had not finished.

Amazingly, I can go through these all by myself even without contacting people like what I did before this. I know that best friends is people that go through hardship with you but somehow they are busy now. It's ok, friends do not have to be together 24/7. I know there are people look at me strangely cos I'm always by myself all the time in MMU, but I'm fine with it. As I had say it, even best friends did not be together 24/7. I do make new friends. It is just that I feel that it is time for me to be independent in facing problems cos that is what you go through in working life. I had friends who care about me, and really like to thank all of them for giving me their undying support for my decision but of course, not forgetting my family members too.

I had been thinking a lot this week, sitting in my room when no one is around, facing walls or at lectures(tend to drift away) and was looking back and discovering my weaknesses, looking at meaning of life. I know what is the missing pieces from my heart, and of course I will get back the pieces together to complete the 'puzzle of my heart' (My blog title!).
I now had to put back myself together, concentrate on what I am doing because I lost the passion after of what I went through (talking about mental torture). I found a little bit by now and hopefully I can restore it to the fullest!! =D

~KISS GOODBYE~

Yeah, it's time for KEAT YEE to sign off again!!!

My Long Journey to My Destination~

Well, I promised that I will post the entry that had been long due. I had lost the inspiration to finish writing it but somehow I had the ideas for now to complete it and well, this is the story of myself going through the hardest time of my life.

Well, last 3 weeks had been a nightmare to me. It was really a roller coaster ride for me!! Up and down and up again and then down! I had lost my Motorola SLVR L7, had to make the decision that determine my future. I'm at my lowest point of my life during those 3 weeks. The pressure and the lack of time for consideration had made me so stressed out that I cried almost everyday. But thinking back, I was really stupid for crying... maybe that's a way of showing my sadness, but crying too much will make people annoyed with me. Dumb. And most of all, I discover that I had no vision of myself in future...That's the most important thing of all. If I had no vision, where comes the action? Actually I feel bad for stalking my seniors for advice. I consult him in every way that is possible, e-mails, IM (whether it's MSN or Y!M), SMS and even see him face to face!! And this guy doesn't even have an idea who I am before this. He has been really kind, telling everything that is possible for me to make the right decision. Salute him for his dedication in helping me. /^o^

I went to USM on Saturday, 1st July 2006. The first impression of the university really scared me. I can hear the students there converse in Malay, banners in Malay too. That's when I think I made the wrong decision. I was crying and try to hold back my tears when I was with my family but I can't hold it back any longer. My dad was kinda upset (I know it since he's my dad for 20 years) and my mum was really sad seeing me like this. Every new student came with enthusiasm, but only me came with sadness. Sigh... I had nightmare almost everyday. Thinking why am I so stupid making this decision, with the room so empty, I tend to think a lot.

My parents who have high hopes for me... and also their joy and enthusiasm when they help me to take my things to my room. I can feel the hopes that they place on me, wishing that I can graduate from some prestigous university (maybe not prestigious, just some reknowned uni). They sacrifice their time just to came here with me to Penang, and all I do is cry. I try every way possible at USM, called my friends at MMU to ask about returning to MMU and also call MMU for enquiries. That had cost me about RM 20 in just one week. Great huh? But it did pay off. I was accepted back to MMU!

So on Friday, 7th July 2006, I went outside to print out the the letter to be submitted to Dean for withdrawal. While people went to School of Management to register for courses, I'm the only one who was there busy sort things out in USM. The Dean is not there and I have to wait till after lunch to get my application for withdrawal approved. SO I went there after lunch, wait for half an hour before I can meet the 'Timbalan Dekan'(I think it is called Vice Dean in English). He asked me a lot of questions regarding the withdrawal from USM. All I can tell him is that I am not competitve enough if I study in Malay as a business student. And he tell me that if I really think that USM students dunno how to speak English and even mentioned that the top management in Nestle is USM student. I can't really think of other thing at that time, I just feel like going out of the room. I just emphasised on how important English is in the business world. That's all I can say. No disrespect to him. I just express how I feel and know. So he just approve my application and wished me all the best and say that in a few years time how am i going to do compare to my peers in USM. Well, we'll see.

I have to walk like the whole USM just to sort out all my things here and I almost got lost there.. go to Treasury department and the records unit; haha, malu man. It is just too big for me to explore. I did walked through the whole campus actually. My parents actually did not want to come to take me back to KL and I actually think of going back by bus but at lasst, they did came to take me home. I feel sorry for them, drive me to MMU for registration, take my things up to the 4th floor (the highest in the hostel), and then help me to take my things down again when I quit MMU, and then took my things to USM and then drive it back to KL and back to MMU again to the highest floor.

Sigh... really sick seeing what is happening but by now, I know what I want. I know that I never regret my choice. I did not feel sad at all leaving USM, just a sigh of relief while I was crying when I left MMU, when I speak to one of the lecturer, when I say goodbye to my friends. I never regret it and I never do. I will never know what my future is if I study in USM, but you can't have 2 at the same time. So, by now, that's all I want to say.